Hello old friend.

I forgot I had this.  Originally I started it to chronicle the screen play I wanted to write.  The my mama died and I had to abandon it in favor or finding a job and raising my daughter.
That was back in 2011.  I've finally found a good paying job and my baby is starting Middle school.

The screen play will happen still but it's take a back seat to my first love story writing.
I'm working on my first novel.  Normally I just do short stories but I want to flesh this out to make a full blown book.

I must get back to cleaning but this will not be my last blog post.

Letting Go

How do I let go?
I'm not sure.
Some of my cousins what to come next weekend and help with the packing up, of clothes and the like.
Part of me wants to and part wants them to stay the hell away cause I'm just not ready.
But if I wait till I'm ready then how long will that be?
Will it be when the hurt is not so sharp?
Will it be when I'm ready to sell the house?
Will it be when my baby is a grown woman?
How long till I'm really ready to let go?

Today was a good day.

Well today was a good day. I got some stuff done and managed to not have a break down.
Now to sleep all night. That might not be as easy as it sounds.

Love

I'm sitting here now with my little girl draped over my back her head on my shoulder and her cheek against mine. The Princess and the Frog is on the TV for the umptie millionth time.
It's been a little over a month since mama died. We both got colds so we stayed home from church. No sense in infecting everyone around. Bad enough she's got to go to school in the morning. I hope it's not catching to bad.
The hospice that helped me take care of mama in her last days called last week. I have an appointment with the bereavement counselor tomorrow. I have no clue what to expect.
Life goes on. The pain will ebb but not go away totally. My logical mind tells me this. But my heart is still breaking.
My cousin will hopefully be here this weekend to help me take care of the taxes. So much to do to get things taken care of.
In the mean time it helps to be here among her things.
Smile and hug someone you love. You never know when it may be the last time you get to.

Mama

I'm changing the tone and purpose of this blog.
Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to write the movie ...but right here right now my heart is not in it.
On Oct 11, 2010 my mom got sick for the first time in like 20 years.
Three weeks later we found out it was lymphoma.
January 1, 2011 my mom was gone.
Passed away quietly in her sleep.
My heart is broken into so many pieces I don't know if it will ever be whole again.
I'm trying to pull myself together for the sake of my child and some days are better than others.
Today I just sat and looked at her calendar. Looked at her handwriting and the grief and loss just overflowed till I was crying.
I go to the courthouse tomorrow to get sworn in as the executor. I'm praying that all goes well but I'm worried. I don't know what to expect and that throws me off my game.
My baby girl has a rash, I hope it's just cause she had a slight fever this weekend.
I'm worried about money as I have not been able to work cause of taking care of mama.
I'm worried abut the future.

Moving forward

Well I've moved forward a bit though not as fast as I'd like to.
I think I need to remember that this will not be like my creative writing experiences nor will it be like my structured free writing experiences.
This is a totally new thing for me.
I'm rereading Bone Game for the umpti whatever time but this time I'm trying to make careful notes. I have to decide what stays and what goes.
In the book I'm using as a guide for this it says that once you adapt it's yours....while that may be true for this book and this author I want to stay as close to and faithful to the original as possible.
I know, I'm probably asking for a LOT of grey hair but hey that's what God invented hair color for LOL.

That's all for now.

"Tell then how I am Defying Gravity! I'm flying high and Defying Gravity, and soon I'll match them in renound! And nobody in all of Oz, no Wizard that there is or was. Is ever gonna BRING ME DOWN!

Books

I've been reading the book I'm going to try to adapt, but I've found two others as well.
I got on today.
How to Adapt Anything inot a Screenplay.
I'm hopeing the second one will come any day.