How do I let go?
I'm not sure.
Some of my cousins what to come next weekend and help with the packing up, of clothes and the like.
Part of me wants to and part wants them to stay the hell away cause I'm just not ready.
But if I wait till I'm ready then how long will that be?
Will it be when the hurt is not so sharp?
Will it be when I'm ready to sell the house?
Will it be when my baby is a grown woman?
How long till I'm really ready to let go?
Friday, February 11, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Today was a good day.
Well today was a good day. I got some stuff done and managed to not have a break down.
Now to sleep all night. That might not be as easy as it sounds.
Now to sleep all night. That might not be as easy as it sounds.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Love
I'm sitting here now with my little girl draped over my back her head on my shoulder and her cheek against mine. The Princess and the Frog is on the TV for the umptie millionth time.
It's been a little over a month since mama died. We both got colds so we stayed home from church. No sense in infecting everyone around. Bad enough she's got to go to school in the morning. I hope it's not catching to bad.
The hospice that helped me take care of mama in her last days called last week. I have an appointment with the bereavement counselor tomorrow. I have no clue what to expect.
Life goes on. The pain will ebb but not go away totally. My logical mind tells me this. But my heart is still breaking.
My cousin will hopefully be here this weekend to help me take care of the taxes. So much to do to get things taken care of.
In the mean time it helps to be here among her things.
Smile and hug someone you love. You never know when it may be the last time you get to.
It's been a little over a month since mama died. We both got colds so we stayed home from church. No sense in infecting everyone around. Bad enough she's got to go to school in the morning. I hope it's not catching to bad.
The hospice that helped me take care of mama in her last days called last week. I have an appointment with the bereavement counselor tomorrow. I have no clue what to expect.
Life goes on. The pain will ebb but not go away totally. My logical mind tells me this. But my heart is still breaking.
My cousin will hopefully be here this weekend to help me take care of the taxes. So much to do to get things taken care of.
In the mean time it helps to be here among her things.
Smile and hug someone you love. You never know when it may be the last time you get to.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Mama
I'm changing the tone and purpose of this blog.
Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to write the movie ...but right here right now my heart is not in it.
On Oct 11, 2010 my mom got sick for the first time in like 20 years.
Three weeks later we found out it was lymphoma.
January 1, 2011 my mom was gone.
Passed away quietly in her sleep.
My heart is broken into so many pieces I don't know if it will ever be whole again.
I'm trying to pull myself together for the sake of my child and some days are better than others.
Today I just sat and looked at her calendar. Looked at her handwriting and the grief and loss just overflowed till I was crying.
I go to the courthouse tomorrow to get sworn in as the executor. I'm praying that all goes well but I'm worried. I don't know what to expect and that throws me off my game.
My baby girl has a rash, I hope it's just cause she had a slight fever this weekend.
I'm worried about money as I have not been able to work cause of taking care of mama.
I'm worried abut the future.
Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to write the movie ...but right here right now my heart is not in it.
On Oct 11, 2010 my mom got sick for the first time in like 20 years.
Three weeks later we found out it was lymphoma.
January 1, 2011 my mom was gone.
Passed away quietly in her sleep.
My heart is broken into so many pieces I don't know if it will ever be whole again.
I'm trying to pull myself together for the sake of my child and some days are better than others.
Today I just sat and looked at her calendar. Looked at her handwriting and the grief and loss just overflowed till I was crying.
I go to the courthouse tomorrow to get sworn in as the executor. I'm praying that all goes well but I'm worried. I don't know what to expect and that throws me off my game.
My baby girl has a rash, I hope it's just cause she had a slight fever this weekend.
I'm worried about money as I have not been able to work cause of taking care of mama.
I'm worried abut the future.
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